Piecing It Together

Last October when our 2nd transfer failed, I was having a really rough time. And that is an understatement. I needed someone to talk to so I went to see, Beth, at the Sarah’s Laughter Support Center. While I was there on my lunch break she asked me a question. “When was the last time you truly had to rely on God like you are now?”  At first, this question threw me for a loop. I’ve been fortunate enough to be raised in a Christian home. I came to know God at a young age. My parents, grandparents, relatives, and church  have all worked together to shape my beliefs. I’ve messed up in my life but not enough to have one of those amazing testimonies that brings tears to your eyes. I really couldn’t think of an answer to Beth’s question.

Then it hit me.

In 2011 at the tender age of 24 my OBGYN found a lump in my breast. As I told Beth this story, I was remembing it like it was yesterday. The Dr. took my hand and had me feel what she was talking about. It was a definite lump. She asked me to get dressed and quickly ushered me to the nurses station where she asked the nurse to make an appointment for me with radiology. I was mortified, you know it’s bad when they won’t even let you leave and call to make your own appointment. I had to wait about 2 weeks to get an ultrasound of my breast. During those two weeks I probably gained 10 pounds from emotional eating. I kept thinking “this could be my last cupcake!” Or “I may never eat another Reese Easter Egg again! Might as well buy all 10 of them!”.  Other than eating my emotions I also prayed a lot. My family prayed a lot for me as well. I felt that lump everyday for the next two weeks. Finally, it was time for my appointment. The Radiologist kept moving the Doppler over my breast and giving me looks. “Are you sure this was the breast?” Yes. I was postive. Are you really asking me that?! I even brought my referral with the breast circled, so he double and tripled checked it. “Well dear, there’s nothing here. You’re all clear.” My head was spinning! How could it have disappeared?! Where did it go?! As I was feeling with my own hand, the hand that had felt this lump at least a 100 times before, I suddenly wasn’t feeling anything at all!  I fully believed a miracle from the power of prayer took place that day.

After telling Beth that story, another more recent, one came to mind as well. In 2014 my husband received a phone call from our Primary Care Physician. They gave him some horrible, heart wrenching news about a medical condition that his physical  just revealed. He called me frantic and crying. It was the first time I heard my husband cry. I told him to call the PCP right back that we had to come back in and double check. They again confirmed the diagnosis and referred him to a specialist. After they confirmed it we had no idea where to go or what to do. I starting driving and went to an area of town where there is a monument of 3 very large crosses standing. We sat on a park bench and just prayed. I remember telling John that no matter what, we were going to be okay. It was about 2 weeks before he could be seen by the specialist (what is it with specialists and 2 weeks?!) they ran some more tests and gave us an appointment to come back and review the results. We had no idea what to do, so I just told him we had to pray like never before. I called my Mom and asked her and my Mammy to pray as well. It was finally time to get the results from the specialist. We were sitting in a tiny exam room, waiting for the Dr., and our heads were spinning yet again. The Dr. came in and immediately starting flipping through pages of the results silently. My knuckles were white. “Well, Mr. Best, you’re totally fine. All clear. Everything looks great!” It was another miracle.

After telling these two stories to Beth she looked at me and said “Lauren, have you ever thought that, maybe, God allowed you to go through a breast cancer scare because He knew you would know how to comfort your Husband during his medical scare? Have you ever thought that, maybe, He allowed you and your Husband to go through these hard times because He was preparing your heart for your struggle now?”

I was speechless. I never pieced our story together like that before. I always tend to compartmentalize my life events, as separate but equal stories. But it all makes perfect sense.

Now this doesn’t answer the “why me, why us,  why this?” questions. But I was told early on not to dwell on those thoughts, they will make you go crazy. For the first time in a long time I can say “You know what? I’m okay.” And really mean it. That doesn’t mean I don’t pray this season of life passes quickly. But my faith is exactly where it needs to be, in God. He hears my prayers and the prayers of those praying for John and I. Baby (or babies!) Best will make his/her miraculous appearance into this world soon. In God’s time. And you know the testimony earlier that I mentioned that I didn’t feel like I had? Well I actually do have a pretty good one, if I do say so myself. It hasn’t came to an end yet, but I have faith that it will!

 

love-lauren1