Dear John

Dear John,

Happy 4th anniversary to us! I love you! I love you! I love you!

There is no denying that this past year was hard. Maybe the hardest we will ever have to endure. But we have clung together and are becoming stronger because of it. Thinking back on our wedding day, I keep remembering the lyrics to our first dance. The lyrics to ‘Steady As We Go” by DMB ring truer now more than ever.

“When the storm comes

you shelter me

And I don’t say a word,

And you know exactly what I mean

In the darkest times

you shine on me.

You set me free.

And keep me steady as we go.”


Even though 4 years ago, it seems like we were kids dancing to song we thought was a cool love song, it really does rings so much truer today. This season of life will eventually pass. One day we will hear the pitter patters of tiny little feet running down the hallway. So I thank you for being such a rock for me to lean on this past year. Through all the nights I cried myself to sleep, you were there to hold me and to whisper that it would be ok.  When I asked you if the pain would ever go away, you assured me that day would come. When our world was falling apart, you were somehow strong enough to hold us both together.

The 2nd thing I remember about our dance is that you sang every word to me. But when I realized I couldn’t remember the next dance steps you guided me. “Slow, quick-quick, slow, quick-quick” you said, just like the dance teacher taught us. You helped me get back on track. You’ve always been there to help guide me. This year I’ve wanted to rush through one treatment after the next just trying to get the end result quicker. But I thank you for reminding me to slow down and to take a breath.

For two kids with only a few dance lessons under their belts, I would say we nailed the ending of our first dance. Miraculously, between 30 pounds of dress (which didn’t get bustled), 4.5 inch heels, and a Bride that kept forgetting the dance steps, you dipped me and caught me! We nailed it! And as corny as this comparison may be, I have a feeling our infertility struggles will end in much the same manner. Miraculously and beautifully. We just have to keep steady, keep praying, and keep believing. But until then I will continue to thank God that he gave me you, and that we can navigate life together.


Happy anniversary! I love you. I love you. I love you.


P.S. This is where I will once again shamelessly plug the Baby Steps 5K. Even if you can’t come to the actual race, you can help us win a $10,000 family building grant. We need more people on our team! Team Hoping for a Best! Join by clicking this link

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